JiMmY's FrOnT PaGe StOrY

Title: Jimmys Front Page Story Subject to change*
Author: The infamous Special Agent MaNiAkJiMmY
Category: LGM, Jimmy Bond, H
Rating: PG (For any words like: Sex)
Disclaimer: James Bond, and other characters are owned by Chris The Creator Carter, 1013 Productions, and that lovely Fox Broadcasting that we thank god for everyday. Other characters like Gertrude, were thought up by me, and are copyrighted. If for any reason you want one of my characters for your story, I have no disagreements about lending them around, however just ask before you do. This is all done in fun, and out of my sheer love and devotion to Jimmy.
Archive: Here, on my site, lol
Feedback: Send all feedback to kmueller31@hotmail.com
Summary: Jimmys life story

Part I

My name is Jimmy Bond. But, you can call me Jimmy; everyone else does, well with the exception of dummy and pea brain. You know, the secret spy guy from all those James Bond movies.whos always rescuing the fair maiden in distress? And carrying around a nifty gun, nailing the bad guys and everything? Of course you know him, from Golden Eye and all that.

When I was in school, kids usually made fun of my name, saying that all my parents did was watch movies and TV shows. That may have been true, but at least they were smart people. My parents didnt name me Jimmy Bond on purpose you see. The long family line of the name went way, way back. That name was Bond. So no one could help it if we had the last name of Bond before that secret spy guy. Its true, we did, and my mom didnt want to name me Jimmy, because she thought that would be too obvious. On the other hand, my dad said that no one would care. Since I was born in 1975, after the movies came out. They didnt realize that every kid in school had seen the movies and Id been teased since.

My full name is James Alexander Bond, and if you ask me, I like my middle name. As opposed to all those other poor saps whose middle names are Orville or Redinbacher for that matter. Alexander sounded kind of ominous, mysterious, enigmatic and well, you know, every other word that means dark and scary. Plus it gave me escape from the fact that I was named after a movie character, so sometimes I just used Alexander.

All my life I had blonde hair and blue eyes, and it didnt bother me as much as it bothered some people. With all those blonde jokes out there, youd think wed be annihilated by now or something, but we havent been. As for the comeback often used by blondes that we have more fun, Id have to second-guess the person who stated that, because its not true. We do the same dirty work and have the same amount of fun as say a brunette or a red head; we just think we have more fun. Because, well, were blonde, thats an excuse. I read blonde jokes all the time in the late 80s and had a lot of fun doing that. My favorite is the one where the 17 blondes go to the movie theater and then turn around and go home when they see the sign says: Must be 18 to enter. Yeah, I know its corny, but at least its not dirty. For having the blue eyes, all I got from that was a lot of girls hitting on me. Every girl wants to date a muscular guy with blonde hair and blue eyes. Although after these 26 years I cant figure out why.

So thats the way it was for awhile, just my parents and me living in middle class suburban town in New York. I went to school, they went to work, and we all minded our own business. That was until our quaint little house burned down and we lost everything we had. From then on I looked at life differently. Most guys in that situation would have said no big deal, Ill just make more money and fix things and then everything will go back together again, kinda like a jigsaw puzzle. In my story, thats not how everything goes. In fact, its not that easy, for anyone, at least I dont think.

I was sad, and who wouldnt be, right? What was the saddest part of all though, was that my parents gave up. Giving up isnt like giving up at a football game, which by the way Ive never done, or any other sport for that matter, but this kind of giving up was more like giving up on what you should have in your life. Its really sad when people think that they dont have anything else to live for, and since then its sort of been this big crusade of mine to help people who are in desperate need. That means all kinds of people, from handicapped people (Like the blind football team you saw when you first met me) to depressed and suicidal people (Like when I was in high school and worked for the suicide/ teen help hotline). So, it goes like that, my parents gave up, they gave up trying to make everything better, like the way it used to be and the way it should have been or should be.

By giving up, they gave up their jobs, and trying to find someplace suitable for us to live, and doing the things that they loved the most. Thats also very sad and disheartening. In one way, it makes you think that nothing you can do will change things, but Ive always believe that no matter what you can make it through things, even when it seems all the more impossible. Id work harder to change that.

We lived in some rat infested fleabag dump until I was old enough to be out on my own. In the middle of the night Id have to wake up and crush all the cockroaches and ants that came into my bed, not very fun if you ask me, considering that those little buggers can bite hard. That situation wasnt very good at all, and my parents knew that, but they didnt care. My dad used to say, why start from the bottom Jimmy, when we were already there once.why try to build it up again and have it destroyed, for all that that was worth? I never asked him about it again, because I was afraid he would yell at me. On certain days, my mom wouldnt say anything at all, and believe me theres nothing more frightening than a parent not saying anything.

When she did talk, she was even sadder than I was, because she couldnt do anything about what a mess dad had gotten us all into. I was only in the 6th grade at the time, so I couldnt exactly change anything either. At least I had enough energy to keep myself going at school. If I hadnt gone out and achieved the unachievable, who knows where Id be right now. I wouldnt be sitting at Langlys computer typing all of this out, thats for sure.

I wasnt very good at school, I mean look at all the errors in this paper alone, imagine all the work I had to do that had to be corrected and stuff. But, I tried my hardest, and in the end came out on top like I always knew I would. After 6th grade I had to change schools, and that was the hardest thing for me. In lower grades you always think that nothing changes, but when you grow up you realize that you cant change all the things that happen. Thats fate, I mean its for fate to work out. 7th grade was like the weirdest thing; it was more girls, more work, and more trouble. Since my parents let me roam free all the time at home, I figured I could do that at school too. I guess the principal thought I was psychotic and that going into the girls bathroom wasnt just roaming free when I tried to explain it. Most guys look under girls skirts in kindergarten, I guess it took me longer to realize that girls existed. Right now I think that was a good thing. Id get in trouble every now and then for little things like roaming free, but nothing too major.

Until..that day at the beginning of 8th grade, well it wasnt the beginning, but it was within the first week. There was this girl named Gertrude, who nobody really liked. She always wore knee length skirts, with really high tube socks that were rainbow colored. Thats not all, her ensemble included spiky gelled hair, and gel bracelets most of the time. With my current attitude towards life I took this in stride, and started up a conversation with her one time during lunch hour. Gertrude was really nice, and thats all that I cared about. My friends didnt care though; they only saw what could be seen on the outside. Most of them disowned me, even the pretty dorky computer club guys I was friends with. According to them, Gertrude was the lowest of the low, and I was hanging out with her.

When that day came, Gertrude was eating chocolate pudding with sprinkles; I remember it well because she always ate that on Wednesdays. She said it was because it was the middle of the week; I just took her word for it, because she was really smart. I wasnt doing anything, just sitting there and watching her, since I didnt need to eat, considering my height. Gertrude always made me feel smart though, like I could do whatever I wanted to, and I know that I always thought like that and stuff, but she brought it out more in me, I just knew it. I didnt care what everyone else thought, because they werent important, what was important was that I had a friend who cared about who I was on the inside.

We were discussing Star Trek and those kind of things when Derrick, this really mean guy from 9th grade came up to our table. He called me a dork and every other rotten name you can find in that: Im a big meanie book. I wouldnt know, Ive never used it. Then he started calling Gertrude names, and thats when I couldnt stand it. All hell broke lose when Derrick took her pudding and dumped it on her white shirt with the cat design. I jumped up and just flew at him, not caring where I landed. Well, I landed on the next table, or I guess WE did. From my side of the story I guess you can say I was rescuing the damsel in distress. Once again the principal didnt think of it that way. After I conveniently broke Derricks jaw, and his nose

I kind of thought it was funny, until my parents had to pay for his medical bill, and we couldnt afford it, so they made me work at this dumpy restaurant washing dishes to work it off. Why were pins and steel things so expensive even in 1987? Beats me. The principal thought I was the lousiest student in the world, because I never did my work, never studied and always attacked the upper classmen. At least I won, that brought a grin to my face. I was supposed to be smaller but I wasnt.

From then on, no 9th grader bugged me, every time they came near our table I just stood up and they ran away quickly, covering their noses as they went. Im sure it wasnt from any bad smells, from what I gather. Gertrude never talked about what happened that day, except for the month after, and it was only one line: Jimmy, youre something special, because anyone who can scrub dirty dishes for a girl like me is worth the world, and whatever girl snags you will be happy for forever.

As you can see, I never forgot that sentence; it rang in my head whenever I felt downtrodden or dismayed. Gertrudes intelligence and kindness saved me many times over. I wouldnt be here if it werent for her either. Pretty soon I was on top, I mean a freshman that is, and no one took notice of me again. That year was really sad; because Gertrude told me she had to move away. Back then; it was even more common to move around a lot. I didnt understand though, and I was angry.

In the pit of my stomach I knew Id never see her again.

Thats what got me so far, and I figured since Id gotten that far, why stop now. From there I didnt go uphill, but the good thing was that I didnt go downhill either. My life stayed the same, you know kind of like a piece of flat paper. The day Gertrude left, I went over to her house to say good-bye. I really didnt know what I was going to say. How do you say thanks to someone who made you what you are, especially if you didnt want to say good-bye. Who wants to give up the best thing that ever happened to them? I sure didnt.

Of course she tried to make me understand, but I dont think it really worked. That point in my life made me fearful of abandonment. To this day Im always sad when I have to say good-bye, or when someone dies. As youve seen me in some of The Lone Gunmens escapades, I cry my eyes out to put it plainly. I really cant help it, its not a chemical imbalance or anything, its just the way I am. Ill get to that point later on.

Anyway-That was that. Gertrude was my only real friend, and she was gone. At her house I helped her pack up all her books and stuff, because she had to leave that night.

Jimmy, you know what.? Youre like a snowflake.

A snowflake? Well thats a new one GertrudeIve been called a lot of things, but never that. Why would you say that?

Youre so soft when you hit the ground you melt.

Part II

Youre all cheering right now, arent you? I know my biggest fan is, whose name Im not going to divulge. Shes cheering because she knew all along how and why I gave myself the code name of Snowflake during that time I skied into a tree.

It was Gertrude who called me that, and for the very first time I got a nickname that I actually liked. Every time I hear the word, it brings a little mist of a tear in the corner of my eyes. That day I skied into a tree though, I was really happy just to share it with the guys.

A snowflake.of all the things in the world! Do I look like a snowflake? Course not, being as tall and muscular as I am, youd think a snowflake was someone small and fragile. I dont think Im either of those. That conversation lead to Gertrude explaining it to me.

Jimmy, you know youre very important and no one can take that away from you, no matter what you do or how you do it, but youre the ultimate snowflake, because you fall gracefully when you do fall.

Mind you guys, this was before I played football, so she never saw me take a tumble into a pack of rabid defensive linemen. So, graceful I was not. In some weird way, she saw me as that. I saw her as my constant source of happiness, so I agreed with her, even if it didnt make sense at the time. Right now it makes complete sense.

Snowflakes fall fast or slowyou tend to fall both ways, and in all different directions. No one can rub you the wrong way, unless they hurt someone close to you, and thats important in a person. I wouldnt be friends with anyone else but you Jimmy.

See, its really easy for me to get lost in this memory from such a long time ago, because it was one of the most important moments in my life and I wouldnt change it for anything, except maybe meeting the guys, and well someone else, but thats another story.

Aw Gertrude, youre better than me. Im not anything important. Youve made me who I am and I cant change that now. When you leave me, I wont be able to stand there and wave calmly as you ride out of my life for good.

Silly, Im not going to go away for forever you know? Ill be back someday and you have to keep thinking that, I wont have it any other way. It would be even harder for me to leave that way, thats for sure. But youre my snowflake Jimmy. Youre my savior from all the evil of the world, like a big giant shield that I could carry around for protection. Now that you wont be there anymore.Ill have to take care of it myself, and thanks to you, you gave me confidence in who I am.

No, you saved me Gert.

Yeah, so I did end up standing there calmly on the sidewalk outside her old house, waving good-bye with everything I had left. Before she got into the backseat of the car, she planted a kiss on my cheek, and I just about felt like melting like a snowflake for real. No one had ever cared enough to do that, not even my own parents. It just made me realize how much Id miss what I had shared with Gertrude, and how hard Id have to work to gain all that trust back from someone else entirely. Their old station wagon pulled away and sputtered smoke behind it, and I just stood there in complete silencewatching. She turned around to look out the back window and drew a heart on it in the mist that still hadnt been defrosted. Then she wrote JiMmY inside it and the last thing I saw was her blowing me a kiss and smiling.

After that, life should have been a breeze, because Id moved on to bigger and better things. No more walking into the girls room by accident, it was all on purpose, or because the jocks wanted me too. At this level, it was my coach who reprimanded me. It wasnt for lack of trying, for I really did try to be everything that Gertie had believed in, at least for the sake of her watching me, no matter how far away she was.

My sophomore year was something of a whirlwind. It came and went and came and went, as fast as like the energizer bunny. That is the pink bunny from the commercials. In this year I picked up something I had never seen before; a football.

I opened up like a whole different world with that. I realized that with a football I could carry my weights to undisclosed heights, and make people love me for what I could accomplish. My whole life was changed because of it.

Part III
What are you doing kid?

Umuh.just, I set down the ball and tried to walk away, but the coach grabbed me firmly and pulled me back.

No need to be frightened, I was just wondering what you were doing here, tryouts and practice are over.

Oh, nothing Sir, I justwas wonderingwhats a football? I mean whats so great about it?

Just the best thing in the world kid. Come over here and let me show you.

He led me over to the other hallway where a whole bunch of pictures were hanging. Some were extremely old, black and white, and others were bright and shiny color. I didnt know what he was going to point out, but I was ready for whatever it would be.

Do you know who these guys are?

I shook my head no, in shame anyway.

This school has tried to produce some of the best athletes in the country young man, from the weak to the strongest. It doesnt matter if you believe you can do it, it all depends on what you go through with. Over the course of the years weve successfully churned out a dozen gold medal winning Olympic runners, along with any other sport they have there. Some of the guys that were on the football teams have gone pro, and been in Super Bowls. Thats just about how far this goes, and what the importance of a football is.

Im sorry Sir, I still dont think I understand.

The coach swept up the nearest football into his hands, and then tossed it into mine.

Its not something thats meant to be understood. Its better left to just love it for what it is.
He walked away, leaving me standing there, as confused as ever. Butmaybe I wasnt as confused as I thought.

The next day I went to football practice, you know, just to see what it was like. After sitting on the bench for the first hour and a half, I got pretty bored, and decided to get up. Little did I know that the defensive line was heading straight towards me. (I guess poor Frohike wasnt the only one to get wrongly tackled). I looked up and just saw stars. When I came to the whole football team was standing over me with these weird looks on their faces. I couldnt figure out why.

Two seconds later I was back and on my feet after they helped me up, and it wasnt too hard to shake off the stars and birds, and rare snowflakes that flashed in front of my eyes.

Hey Coach? What happened?

Jimmy.tsk, tsk, .next time be careful where you walk, but Im fairly happy to say you dont have a concussion and tomorrow the guys want you to try out for the team.

No?? Really??! I couldnt hold back my excitement.

They think youre a regular. The Coach must have been dumb enough to fall for my wide grin, because if I ever saw that outside of my own body Id be like: What a moron!

Okay, Ill be here!!!

I ran all the way back to that flea-infested dump that I only had to call home for 2 more years. This time though, I was actually happy to be going back there. My feet carried me as fast as possible, which was pretty fast for how big I was. Then I burst in the front door, being careful that I didnt break it off its hinges. Mom was sitting at the crummy dining room table and Dad was huddled up on the couch in the living room, or what we had of one anyway. I guess I shouldnt have got my hopes up or something like that would have mattered. In my whole sad life all Id wanted was a little happiness, to actually do something that made a difference for the world and for myself. Now who could deny a kid that? Obviously my parents were the king and queen of that.

Sitting down on a chair next to my mom, I tried to hide my smile.

Youll never guess what happened to me today

No I bet I cant, what happened Jimmy?

The Coach of the football team wants me to tryout tomorrow! For the team!

Thats greatIm sure youll do really well.

Anyone could notice she wasnt extremely thrilled, but I thought she just had a really bad day, and being the person I was, I didnt ask. At least I didnt ask right out in the open, in secret I wondered what was wrong. I thought that I wasnt the only one who wanted something good to happen in the world, that I COULDNT be the only one. In the end I got my answer, from my father, who never hid the truth from me or anyone else. Gee, where would I be if it werent for him?

That glorious adventure with my mom made me wander into the living room to get some happiness from my father for my accomplishment.

Hey Pop, guess what I did?

What Jimbo? You havent snuck into the girls bathroom again have you, because we already talked about that? And you didnt copy someone elses homework either I hope, because that would be a long discussion.

No actually it was something good, for once. If youre at all interested.

Shoot.

I was just sitting on the bench at football tryouts this afternoon, and I got up and accidentally got smashed. Well they all thought I was a natural for the way I took the hit, so I get to tryout for real tomorrow!

Greatthats really terrific son, Im proud of you.

Are you sure? Because you guys are acting weird, like weirder than usual.

Shhhhits a secret, no one knows. Well your mother doesnt want you to know. But I told her we should tell you because its important. It concerns our lives as well as yours.

What?

Most kids at this point suspect something horrible. I dont know what I expected; I kind of just sat there waiting. The waiting seemed to take forever, and who could blame my dad for waiting so long. But for what he was going to tell me, he shouldnt have been worried. It was the part that came after that was worse for me. You never really believe a person when they tell you something, like Gert with the snowflake thing, but in the end you have no choice.

I believe in all the unbelievable things you can find in this world, believe me.

Part IV
Its like this: Oh, youre a sophomore in high school Jimmy, you really dont need the birds and the bees talk, do you? I mean I know you didnt hear it from me, but Im sure it gets around at school and things, so Im hoping that you know, otherwise this could take all night. But anyway, what I really want to say is, that he birds and the bees is where life starts. It should be a happy time, and also a sad time, for bringing another helpless creature into this world, well I shouldnt say creature, I really mean person, or soul, but thats not the point. The point is that the birds and the bees have stricken again, right here. He pointed at my chest with a smile on his face.

What do you mean? Im kind of confused? This was one of those times that I wasnt exactly going to sit there and pretend to know what was going on. I was really confused. I knew that the birds and the bees was a long word which actually just meant, sex. I just couldnt figure out why anyone didnt just say that instead, it took less oxygen anyway.

Dad, I dont understand, why dont people just say sex? What do birds and bees have to do with anything, I mean sure, bees carry pollenbut..

Oh! No way! I think I got it. While I sat there, it suddenly came into my brain. Mom was..

Out loud I shouted: Moms having a baby??!

Then jumped around to prove my point, since it was exciting. In the bottom of my heart I felt happiness, but the look on their faces didnt account for much. Mom had heard what I said and came into the living room. Why werent they smiling like I was? Was something wrong? Did I do something wrong? It was all the usual worries of a kid.

Oh Jimmy, you didnt do anything wrong, and everything is okay. Somehow my mother knew my exact thoughts, thats one thing I always loved about mothers. They had eyes in the back of their heads, but like the mind of a psychic. You were either dealing with Cleo the babbling weird person who listened to the cards, that dont lie, or you were stuck with MR. MOM. I do mean Mr. Mom, because sometimes moms could be like dads.

I knowbut.then what is it? Barely able to keep myself standing, I crashed into the couch cushion that was calling out my name.

Nothing. Nothing at all, and thats the way its always going to be. Mom was sure of herself so much it was frightening.

Sothen youre not going to have a baby? I was crushed.

Wellyou see.Jimmy.I am going to have a baby!

But that doesnt even begin to explain..

Part V
Turns out that Mom was indeed pregnant. But being in the dump we lived in, they were afraid it wouldnt be a good environment for the little thing. I didnt understandI thought that all little babies needed was love, and someone to change their diapers. I mean I wasnt going to be the one to do that, I admit, but still. Was anyone as heartbroken as me? No. It didnt seem that way. My problem was that I already was soft, from having to leave things Id gotten attached too. Granted I hadnt had the chance to get attached to my new little sibling, but just knowing about it made me feel bad.

Mom and Dad were giving the baby up for adoption. If one thing was for sure, it was the fact that Id never get to see or meet my new little brother or sister. Once it was born, someone else would take it. Mom didnt want me to know, at least until it was born, but thats not a good thing, to keep something from someone. That means theyre going to grow up and not understand that life isnt just fun and games and smiles. Life is about learning, learning and living. Going through the hard times, and realizing that you still have to go on no matter what.

While all this was going on, I made the football team, and pretty soon I was racking it up with the big times. Everyone knew who I was, far and wide. Then everyone knew that during my junior year only, the scouts would be checking me out. I didnt think so, but then again, you never know.

I had no real friends though. On the outside people can say they like you, but its only because youre good at something, and thats not right. I was really good at reading people by this time. Gert taught me about people. Sometimes Id sit in bed at night and wonder where she was, and what she was doing. I could picture her having fun, and not even missing me. But thats not the kind of person she was. I never thought I would meet another girl who could have loved me like she did.but thats a whole other story.

On the field one day, minding my own business, doing wind-sprintsmy friend Bob walked up to me, totally out of uniform.

Hey Bob, whats going on? Arent you practicing today, we got that big game on Saturday, and you know ITS GONNA BE HUGGGGE! I expelled the idea of tackling him, since I was wearing all my pads, and he wasnt wearing any.

Oh yeah, I know. I just asked for tonight off and Coach said it would be fine. I just came on the field to ask you what you were doing tonight. He started shuffling his feet, impatiently.

Um..nothingits Wednesday..I figured Id just do what I always dogo homesit and watch T.V., theres gonna be a Gilligans Island special tonight, you know?

Okay, there I went again, talking about things that were important to me, but no one else cared about. Hey, even the guys have been known once in awhile to depend on my T.V. skills, but when it came to Byers and me sneaking into a federal prison, well.lets just say, no one cared anymore, at ALL.

Bob was one of the most important members of the team, and I was embarrassing myself, but try and tell me that. He just kind of looked around nervously, then said:

Yeah, I know Jimmy. Youre the man, youre entitled to a little fun in the T.V. sun. How about tonight, as a favor, you come out with me and some of the other guys?

Ohsss-sure. I just..wasnt sure what was going on.

Its okay Jim. You should be concentrating on the game anyway, Im sorry to bother you. Ill pick you up at 8 or 9.

This was great, what could anyone possibly want to hang out with me for?


				*MaNiAkJiMmY's PaGe* *JiMmY's FrOnT PaGe StOrY*



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